The Respect Issue in Black Relationships

A major topic in Black male/female relationship discussions is the issue of respect.  In general Black women do not respect Black men.   This is a major concern.   In relationship discussions we will address sexual dynamics, money, social class, and even religion.  Yet the topic of respect doesn’t always come up.  The times it does come up is when Black women express dissatisfaction with the actions of the average Black man.

Let’s be clear on something.  For a relationship to prosper between a man and woman respect, if not the most important aspect, must be in the top three.   Some people think all the couple need, is love but love in the Western context is nothing but lust and infatuation.   Once that fizzles out the couple might not like each other.   Of course others say money but let’s be real.   Money keeps the bills paid and allows us to gratify our wishes but it’s not going to help us truly get along with someone.    Even sharing the same values only take us so far.   Respect is needed in a relationship.

Respect is defined as, “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”   Respect means that one truly appreciates the person that is in front of them.   A person sees the other person as they are and can see what they bring to the table.    Obviously there is a problem in Black America with Black women respecting Black men.

When Black women speak of Black men it is usually in terms of physicality.   Black women are quick to talk about how “fine” a brotha is, or how tall, or especially how endowed.   When it comes to other traits we don’t hear the same praise.

It’s rare that Black women collectively talk about how resilient Black men are or how intelligent.   In terms of character it is rarely discussed how Black men may be the most spiritual, moral, men on the planet in terms of following a code of life.   We do hear about our lower elements who are behind a Lion’s share of negative behavior in the Black community.   There is, however, a major reason why Black women don’t have general respect for Black men.   Black men are being compared to White men.

The reality in Western culture is that at least in social and economic terms White men are the Alpha Males.   There is an argument that Black men are the Sexual Alphas but that is both an article for another day and irrelevant for this discussion.  Black women already acknowledge the collective sex appeal of Black men.   That sex appeal doesn’t translate to other areas of life.   Good dick doesn’t keep the bills paid.

Black women see White men as being more economically viable.   The unemployment rate among Black men is very high.   True there are many Black men who make high salaries and indeed collectively Black men make more money than Black women.   The sisters don’t always see those men as many are in professions where exposure to Black women is minimal.   Black women see the unemployed and under-employed.   At the same time they White men running businesses.

Understand something.   The sex thing is major but women also look for stability as well.  Collectively Black men don’t look like they can provide this stability.  Of course there is a small group who can provide stable environments.   The Black women who mate with those more stable brothas usually have respect for their men but this doesn’t translate to the entire community.

The reality is that if Black men collectively want to get respect from their women then collectively we need establish ourselves as being able to provide stable environments.   Otherwise respect will be lacking.

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