The Unending Travails Of Men By Cardoso Ayodeji

Just when you think men are having it easy in marriages, relationships or life;
– More men than women are arrested daily
– More men than women are in jail
– More men than women are lynched by mobs
– More men than women commit suicide daily
– More men than women are sentenced to life in prison or death instantly, guilty or not.
– More men than women die younger and early in marriage.
– More men are susceptible to addiction, drug abuse, than women

Is it that women don’t commit crimes? Is it that men are just wired to be evil?

Today in church, the Sunday school topic was centered on marriage. It was quite interesting especially having to hear so many diverse opinions from church folks. While some were of the opinion that it was not compulsory, some believed it was a lifetime contract; some were of the contrary opinion when it comes to abuse and this was coming mostly from the women, as the teacher struggled to maintain that divorce was not an option.

I observed most men especially the elderly married ones weren’t talking. Typical of men.

Then something happened.

Just like God drew the attention of Moses to the burning bush, I observed the man in front of me turn to the other man by his side, with his face squeezed like he just licked lime, he whispered, ‘’this marriage issue, it can only be God. I have not enjoyed my marriage so far’’. This is a man and his family I have come to know over time. I could only imagine what he must have been going through like so many men and the courage it took to speak out, even though nothing would be done.

For too long, the narratives that only women are victims in marriage is so not true. That their voices have been louder because men hardly talk about it; doesn’t make it true either.

So many times we only get to know when the man reacts. There is no evidence to how the woman had been behind doors or what she has been doing that eventually leads to the reaction from the man.

We think men are robots without feelings, emotions or blood running through their veins. You think it is more daunting for a woman to find and live with a man than it is for a man to find a woman and live with her under one roof? You think a man just sets out to want to be useless and unfortunate in his life? I mean, if he was unfortunate and useless initially, you wouldn’t have settled for him and if you did; your fault.

This man is an elder in the church. A man in his 50s, he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke and a brilliant lecturer in one of the federal universities. Where does he run to? If he walks away, so that he can enjoy his life and not die before his time or he ends up otherwise, the whole world will hear how he ran away from his responsibility, was a drunk, beats the woman etc. He would be judged and crucified instantly.

After all, it is always the mother who is a good parent.

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