Wanting to be ‘Liked’ and Complimented by Women is the Kiss of Death

Many single heterosexual men need to overcome their 'addiction' to receiving flattering compliments from women

Many men plead with women of interest to show them favor and to make it clear that they are 'likeable gentlemen'

An Entertainment Industry celebrity (whose name escapes me at the moment) once said, “I often get asked, ‘what is the #1 key to success?’ My honest answer to that question is, ‘I have no idea’ other than probably persistence and hard work.  On the other hand, I do believe I know what the #1 key to failure is, and that my friends, is going out of your way to try to please everyone.  You will never, ever be able to please everyone with the things you do in life.  So, my suggestion is, do not even attempt to do such a thing.  You will never accomplish that feat.  No matter how hard you try.”

I would co-sign with that assessment 100%.  In my personal experiences, I would argue that it is virtually impossible to get each and every person you meet in life to have nothing but ‘good things’ to say about you.  It is pretty much inevitable that someone … somewhere … is going to find at least one problem with something you say and/or do.

For example, if you love eating meat … then the vegans and vegetarians of the world are going to despise you.  If you are a raw vegan or a strict vegetarian, some men and women who are avid meat-eaters are never going to feel totally comfortable in your presence.

If you are a right-wing Republican, most liberal Democrats will never agree with you on your political opinions, and vice versa.  If you believe Biggie is the best rapper of all-time, Tupac fans will hate you; If you believe Tupac is the best of all-time, Biggie fans will hate you (and if you believe neither one is the best rapper of all-time … then you are not a true old-school rap fan at all!!).  I could go on and on and on with analogies and further examples.

I WANT ALL THE LADIES TO ‘LIKE’ ME

If there is one major mistake I find that many single heterosexual men commit in the dating scene, it is placing too much emphasis on ‘wanting to be liked’ by women.   Many men are ‘addicted’ to flattering compliments.  There are some men that are literally terrified at the idea of being harshly criticized and/or insulted by a woman of interest during a conversation.

My quick, simple advice:  Get over that.  Real quick.

One of the very first epiphanies that I experienced when I was in college after socially interacting with several women is that being exclusively complimented by women usually leads to nothing more than a purely platonic friendship with women … and  conversely, being harshly criticized by women will often lead to hot, passionate sex with women.

On paper, it almost seems like a blatant contradiction, but trust me … it is not.

COMPLIMENTS vs. CRITICISMS

I am going to let you fellas in on a little secret with women:  Most of the flattering compliments you receive from women are really “(sex-related) insults” in disguise.  Similarly, most of the harsh, subjective criticisms and personal insults you receive from women are really “(sexual) compliments” in disguise.  I am going to list a handful of examples in each category.

INSULTS ‘DISGUISED’ AS COMPLIMENTS

Here are a few examples of so-called ‘compliments’ that never really benefit you romantically or sexually in the long-run:

“You are so nice and sweet! You are so considerate!!”

Real world female translationYou have no chance of me ever viewing you as a hot, kinky lover of mine.  The best you can hope for is to commit yourself to being my ‘male girlfriend’ and/or ‘play brother’ for the rest of your life.  You will never, ever become a male character in any of my erotic fantasies.  Believe that.

“You have got to be one of the funniest men I have ever met in my life! I could listen to you tell me jokes literally every day!!”

Real world female translationI want you to be my personal comedian and entertainer whenever I am bored and/or lonely.  I interact with so many men who are prolific womanizers, and they spend most of their time banging other hot women when they are not banging me.  So in-between the days when I am fortunate enough to get banged by one of the womanizers who I know, I need you to keep me entertained.  Laughter beats crying!

 “You are so generous!!  I have no idea what I have done to deserve so many monetary favors from you!”

Real world female translationYou have got to be the most naïve simp I have ever met in my life.  Do you actually think by spending hundreds and thousands of dollars on me, that I am going to exchange orgasms with you?  You are so gullible.  I will never have sex with you.  I mean, DUH.  But I love the fact that you have paid many of my bills when I never specifically asked you to, and I love that you have purchased expensive materialistic gifts for me even when I never asked you to.  You should be in the ‘Involuntarily Celibate Sugar Daddy Hall of Fame’ by now.

 “You are so patient with me, and so emotionally empathetic.  You are such a great listener!”

Real world female translationI recently met two handsome guys at a nightclub, and they both persuaded me to come by their place after we left the nightclub.  Deep down, I knew what was going to happen.  They both took turns having their way with me sexually, and the amazing thing is, I was not even drunk!!  I knew what I was doing!  But the next day, I felt like a total slut and whore.  So that is why I called you over to keep me company, and to listen to me refer to these two womanizers as ‘assholes’ and ‘jerks’ in your to help me feel better about myself and provide you with plausible deniability.  I knew you would co-sign with my insults of these two amazing sexual studs like the naïve ‘male girlfriend’ that you are.  I know I am part of all your masturbatory fantasies, so I am mean-spirited and heartless enough to cock tease you with all my stories of being ‘taken advantage of’ sexually by these seductively charming Alpha males.

COMPLIMENTS ‘DISGUISED’ AS INSULTS

Here are a few examples of so-called ‘criticisms’ and ‘insults’ that are usually signs of romantic or sexual interest from a woman in the long-run:

“Oh my God!  You are such an egotistical and self-centered jerk!! I cannot stand you!!”

Real world female translationYour sex skills are amazing, and you KNOW IT. You have no modesty about the fact that many of us women are in a position where we have to compete with each other for just a minimal amount of your free time.  Can you please just ‘pretend’ that you want to spend some time with me non-sexually in addition to sexually??  Can you also ‘pretend’ that I am not just another casual sex lover in your rotation of dozens of others?  Geez.  I do have an ego you know.

“You don’t say much, do you?  I like a man who talks to me and listens to me.  You do neither.  All you do is watch television and hang out with your boys.  Well, I am feeling ignored, and I don’t like it!”

Real world female translationI am intrigued by the fact that you don’t give a shit about my petty rants and trivial problems.  That is SUCH a sexual turn-on!  You are so enigmatic and aloof at times, and it drives me crazy!  You refuse to allow me to influence your behavior to my liking, which lets me know that you are a REAL MAN.  I am going to try my best to ‘change’ you, but deep down, I never want you to change.  Less words are always more effective with me!

 “Oh my God!  You are SO CHEAP!!!  I should never have to pay for your movie tickets or dinners!!  What kind of ‘gentleman’ were you raised to be??”

Real world female translationYou have some good dick, and you are making me pay for it!  You are not officially a ‘gigolo,’ but you are sure treating me like I am one of your sex clients.  I pay for damn near everything, and it leaves me so hot and bothered.  It is like, you are almost DARING ME to reject you and ignore you indefinitely.  You would not care if I did because you will always have women throwing themselves at you.  I hate that you have exposed the fact that I am willing to pay for your high quality sexual companionship.  I feel used, but I love feeling used.  It makes me feel so much more feminine and submissive toward you.

“You are such an incorrigible flirt!! How much more can you disrespect me in public?!?  Did you have to kiss her on the lips and grab her ass RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?!?  I am THAT CLOSE to breaking up with you … and I mean it!!”

Real world female translationI know I am your bitch, but it is frustrating for me to know that all your friends, acquaintances, and the other women you are having sex with behind my back KNOW that I am your bitch.  You emotionally abuse me, but because I am a major masochist, I love it … and you know I love it.  I love that you treat me like crap because I am so tired of men placing me on a pedestal and treating me like a queen.  Oh my God, that is SO BORING. The thought of you banging another woman in our bed while I am at work leaves me so wet.  I wish I could watch you bang all of your mistresses and side pieces.  I knew when I became your girlfriend that you were going to share that great penis of yours with as many women as possible, and that made me feel like you were my own personal ‘prize’ to be cherished.  I will continue to yell at you in public and in front of your friends, but again, you know I am your obedient good bitch and always will be.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

Rarely if ever, should you pay too much attention to what women SAY.  Instead, always pay attention to WHAT WOMEN DO.  Some of my male clients I work constantly share with me their fear of being harshly criticized and/or insulted.  What do I tell them?  I tell them that you really should be afraid of receiving nothing but flattering compliments from a woman (with the exception of right after a hot episode of sex).  When a man receives nothing but flattering compliments from a woman – and no criticisms or insults at all from this same woman – that is usually a sign that a man has no chance at ever seducing that woman into having sex with him.

If a woman never, ever has anything ‘negative’ or ‘critical’ to say about any aspect of your behavior as a man … this usually means you are destined to remain in this woman’s purely platonic ‘friend zone’ for the remainder of your social interactions with her.

The moment you know you have some hope of seducing a woman is the very first time when you hear a woman of interest refer to you as an ‘asshole’ and/or a ‘jerk.’  When she uses labels such as ‘selfish,’ ‘egotistical,’ ‘cocky,’ and/or ‘narcissistic,’ this is when you should begin smiling to yourself.  Because that is usually the sign that in a few minutes … a few hours … a few days … or in a few weeks … those panties are coming off of her body.  Your mission as a heterosexual man will then be complete.  Good job.

Remember fellas:  There is a reason why the adage ‘nice guys finish last’ is still valid to this day.  Marinate on that.

More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions.  Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships.  If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks.  Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally.

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About Alan Roger Currie 81 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at coaching@modeone.net