In my book, Nice Guys and Players, I talk about how women divide men into two categories for dating: select and non-select. Select men are men who in general have a combination of looks, body, charisma, money, and status. Non-select men are those who lack these traits in general. I say in general because there are men who have good looks, money, and status who are non-select while there are ugly men who have harems. There are many nuances.
In each group there are two sub-categories. In the select group there are the allegorically named Mr. Goodbars and Masked Men. Mr. Goodbars are men who appeal to a woman’s true sexual nature. Women want to experience them like they want to experience a piece of chocolate. The Masked Men appeal to the numerous lists that women have in that they are handsome with status and money. Women don’t want the man but they want the mask.
In the non-select category there are the men who are allegorically called Gamesmen and Nice Guys. Gamesmen have to use some type of game to get with a woman. This includes using everything from outright deceit to being extremely persistent. The men in the select group can simply be themselves and women will find them attractive. This doesn’t work for the Gamesman and thus they have to be more aggressive and exploitive in their dealings with women.
The Nice Guy is interesting in that women generally desire his companionship but only in a non-sexual way. When women call a man nice it doesn’t necessarily mean they see him as being genuinely nice. “Nice” is womanese for “he doesn’t make my vagina tingle.” The Nice Guys solely lack sex appeal as they may have money and even status.
The number of men seen as select is significantly smaller than the men seen as non-select. The men most likely to read books on dating and seduction will primarily be non-select men. Their goal is to become select. A significant number will fail in their quest. This is not from lack of investing time and money. These men are very motivated in their quest. The issue is that they are following the examples and sometimes even advice of Gamesmen, some of whom are dating coaches and seduction gurus.
There is a great chasm that separates the select from the non-select. It is a chasm of perception. The key thing that puts a man into the select is that women will actively try to seduce him. A select man doesn’t have to work too hard to get women. In most instances the women will either approach him or make it painfully obvious that they want the man to approach them. That’s what it means to be select. It is the opposite for non-select men.
Non-Select men have to approach women. The Gamesmen have to develop tactics to get women. Gamesmen have to do two things to even get a portion of the quality of women that throw themselves at the select men. First they have to approach a large number of women to even get a few. They have to play a number games. Second, the women they will tend to get will be the unattractive women. If they get an attractive woman she will tend to be the type who will sleep with multiple men and not have high standards herself. Even then they will not get the results they really want. Many may think they are on top of the food chain. Nice Guys will not even get what the Gamesman will get. This leads to an interesting dynamic.
The select and non-select live in two different worlds. These worlds seldom interact. Even on social media there are few select men who give dating advice to non-select men. Most select men give dating advice to women as it’s more lucrative to cater to women. Also select men tend to be more discreet about their sexual encounters. Gamesmen will tend to tell everybody even if they are lying. This ultimately leads to why many men will never become select.
The Gamesmen think they are top of the food chain because most will not be in circles where they are dealing with select men. Mr. Goodbars tend to operate in the dark because they are frequently having sex with married or other involved women. Masked Men tend to move in more elite circles where the price of entry is a certain income and status. Gamesmen have no idea what it means to be at the top.
If Gamesmen don’t know then neither do Nice Guys. The problem with Nice Guys is they tend to see the Gamesmen in action. Thus when they see a Gamesmen dealing with a woman they think this is the highest level of game because it’s what they actually see. The Nice Guy then to learn game from the Gamesman and thus will do the same things that will ultimately keep them non-select.
If a man truly wants to become select he needs to find a way to either befriend a Mr. Goodbar or find a way to get into elite circles. Otherwise he will find his dating life to be extremely frustrating as he will continue to always be non-select.
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