WHY Should ANY Man, Take Advice From YOU?

Since "Saint Kevin" Samuels made the idea of a High Value Man a household word in Black American social media circles, many guys think they are one when they really are not

“Steve Rogers: Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?
Tony Stark: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”
-The Avengers

One thing I’ve observed since “Saint Kevin” Samuels introduced the concept of the “High Value Man” into the Black social media lexicon, is that quite a few Black men seem to have taken to social media to offer their “sage” advice on just about everything, but particularly with regard to “Manhood Shit” – which essentially covers dating, mating, other ways of handling women in other situations, fitness, business and the like. In and of itself, I can’t knock it – but the problem I have with it, especially in light of a year of seemingly one grifter scam after another, and the latest “Fresh & Fit” fiasco in particular, I think the time has come to “means test” some of these guys and find out exactly what they’re working with.

Although what I’m going to say can be observed among both Black men and women, today’s column is aimed at the brothers – the ostensible “leaders” of Black society. Fair enough, I say; so, with that said, WHY should ANY Black man listen to YOU? I find that social media has afforded many Black men a venue and platform to be heard, which on balance, is a good thing; but, as is so often the case, the devil is always in the details. Far too many unverified Black men pop up and make pronouncements, utter statements and dole out unsolicited “advice” to other Black men as if they were some kind of oracle. Yet, when you go to look them up on their social media profiles, you find outlandish aliases and handles, avatars or images of anything other than their own faces, and of course, little to no career or work information.

And on the off-chance that you actually do manage to rustle up some background on these self-anointed gurus, you find that they are barely “average at best” – they look “average at best” with their silly flatbillers and “hats to the back” and other wears that they should have ditched after they got out of high school, make “average at best” money, work “average at best” jobs, live in “average at best” places and deal with “average at best” women – but that somehow qualifies them to tell other Black men what to, how to act and how to live? Really?

Are you kidding me?

On this, the lovely ladies of Black America do make a powerful point: Why should they “submit” to such mind-numbing averageness, at best? Being born with a Y chromosome just ain’t gonna cut it, neither will merely being born Black. To paraphrase my good friend and brother-in-arms, “Saint Kevin” Samuels, that comes standard on all models, gentlemen.

Why should anyone, take any advice, from YOU? That, is what we’re going to discuss today, gentlemen – so stick around!

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While the battle cry of the lovely ladies over the past four decades – “What do you bring to the table?” – has been thoroughly flipped onto them by the gents in our time, I would caution my good brothers to keep in mind that the question still very much applies to them as well. Merely because you have a soapbox to be heard, and that you have something to say, is not enough. You also have to show and prove, that you’re worthy being someone worth listening to and taken seriously. “What else do YOU bring to the table?” in this regard, is a very real and legitimate question that we all should ask ourselves every single day, because it keeps us all honest and grounded. I know I do – when I arise in the morning; and right before bedtime, too.

The major danger in our time – and what the recent Fresh & Fit situation reminds all of us – is that social media has afforded Black men both with great opportunities as well as great chances for us to fool ourselves. By crafting or creating out of wholecloth stuff that we aren’t ourselves and have little to support our “advice”, we risk not only making a fool out of ourselves, we also risk harming others as well.

But real world achievement, success and acclaim for it from others, cannot be bought, faked or forged; it must be EARNED. And over time, at that. There are no quick fixes – which is why it is exceedingly rare for a very young man – say, under 30 or so – to be in ANY position to be doling out ANY kind of “advice”, ESPECIALLY to other Black men. (Black women, on the other hand, being seriously gullible and highly delusional, will allow someone like say, Derrick Jaxn, to sell them a bill of hypocritical goods he could never meet himself. But that’s another topic for another column, now isn’t it?)

Before you go to offering your own “sage advice”, honestly ask yourself: “Why am I doing this”? “To what end”? “And, on what basis do I have the right to make such pronouncements from on-high”?

If you cannot list out your service or track record of what you’ve done in your life; how that marks you out as a man of distinction; do you really have anything meaningful to say or add, to this world?

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I find that far too many Black men don’t like the idea of rankings, of pecking orders, of hierarchies; they don’t like the idea of competition against other men, besting them on the field of battle, and showing and proving how and why they are the best of the best. Instead, they trot all manner of what can only rightly be described as cheap psy-ops justifications as to how and why they matter, when in point of fact they matter only to their hood, their fellow average at best homies and their mama. Only in Black America can so many men be so underachieving and beat their chests about it.

But this is not how the rest of the world works, gentlemen; out there, men have to prove WHY anyone else should care about why they exist. Because you said so, having a “strong mouf piece”, isn’t enough.

Brett McKay, of the excellent website “The Art of Manliness” sums it up very nicely:

“Public affirmation. When it comes to excellence in the 3 P’s — talk doesn’t matter, results do. You have to put your money where your mouth is, and thus competence in all the manly pursuits must be demonstrated in the public square and affirmed by others. You must be willing to sally forth into the fray, to compete with other men, and show how you stack up against them. A man must be “in the arena.” For this reason a man who is a homebody, who avoids public contests, and desires to spend most of his time with wife and children is considered effeminate. As Gilmore puts it, “One wins or loses, but…one must play the game. The worst sin is not honest failure but cowardly withdrawal.” (“The 3 P’s of Manhood: A Review”, Sep 25, 2021)


So, to wrap up, if you want to give the O-Man some unsolicited advice, you need to answer four questions for me:

1. What do you do, how much money do you make a year, and how long have you been making it?

2. Are you “LinkedIn Level” – meaning, can I look you up on my smartphone or my Bruce Wayne-style supercomputer, and get mucho Google results that detail and confirm who you are, what you do, and where you got your money from?

3. What is your network of “extraordinary gentlemen”? Do you even have one? Gentlemen DO have a social network, you know.

4. What are your real world achievements – and NO, popping out a few carbon copies of yourself, doesn’t count. What have you done, that will outlive you when you’re gone? That other people recognize? That other MEN recognize?

If deign yourself doling out social media and internet “advice” to other Black men and you balk at answering, in rapid fire fashion, ANY of the above questions, you simply have NOTHING of merit to say to ME. And the reason why, is very simple: Because I CAN answer, in rapid fire fashion, ALL of the above questions.

I never ask a man to do something I myself haven’t done, is not doing, or will not do in the very near future.

Any questions?

Now adjourn your asses…


Mumia Obsidian Ali is a citizen journalist, podcaster, talk radio show host, commentator, newly minted dating coach and author of “The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman”. You can catch his daily live shows on YouTube & Mixlr, as well as his dating coach column at the Negromanosphere website. One of the “Three Kings” of the Black Manosphere, Mr. Ali has contributed to the creation and development of Black Male Media. Follow him on Instagram at @ObsidianRadio. He’s also a semi-professional pest.

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