Winning With Approach Anxiety

Approaching women is easier said than done and not all men are created equally. Some men are born intelligent, good-looking, athletic or charismatic. It is normal to be envious of men who fall into these categories. What do all of these men have in common? Desirability. These men are desired by many women. Logically, you would think that when a woman sees a man with many women she would conclude that this guy must be a player and not trustworthy, Wrong.

By nature, we want what other people want. Another way of saying this is “Social Proof”. You must create an aura of being wanted and desired by many. The quickest way to do this is to surround yourself with many women. Having women in your life (friends, family, co-workers, ex-lovers) raises your social value. In most cases, our desire for another person almost always involves some social considerations. We are drawn to people who are considered attractive by others. The belief that you are desired by others will make you more attractive than any handsome face or awesome body.

If you fail to make yourself a desirable option right from the start, you will become a slave to the woman of your desire.

Social Anxiety is a fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. Human beings are social creatures and we are highly influenced by our social circle. Have you ever been to a party and notices that one guy who is always alone? No one speaks to him and if they do it’s never for a long period of time. What do you think woman think? “Why is he alone? Why is he being avoided? There must be a good reason.” This man is an unwanted man. At the same party, there is another guy. He is the life of the party. He’s not the best looking guy nor is he in the best shape, but he makes people laugh. When he moves, so does everyone else. This article will teach you how to become a “Magnet of Attention“.

Physical Fitness

Approach Anxiety isn’t a problem when women are approaching you. Being physically fit will not only improve your relationships with women, it will also improve the relationship you have with yourself. A strong body compliments a strong mind. The more in tuned you are with your body the better more in tune you will you will be in life. You will find yourself becoming a quick and intelligent thinker. In order to be fully available mentally and spiritually, you have to take care of your body.

Personal Power

Physical Fitness promotes Personal Power. Personal power is a state of mind in which a person is confident he can handle whatever may come. It is the kind of power that not only successfully deals with problems, it welcomes them. It is the result of feeling fear and not giving into fear. For the men who are dealing with Approach Anxiety, the core of their issue is FEAR.  Ironically, an important aspect of Personal Power is learning to surrender. Meaning, learning to let go of what you can’t change, and changing what you can.

Surrender doesn’t mean giving up, it means learning to relax, grow, which gives you the space to CREATE.

Have you ever heard someone say “All women are crazy”, “There are no good women left”, or the myth “Things will just happen when they happen”? These statements stem from having a “Victims Mentality“, and feeling like a victim can make you Frustrated, Helpless, and Rageful. When you learn to surrender to the unpredictable events that life present, you go from asking questions such as “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can I learn from this experience?”

Spiritual Growth

Physical Fitness is a good first step to self-improvement because it allows you to address issues that are WITHIN yourself. You can control what types of foods you put into your body. You can control the amount of time and effort you put into your workouts. Getting strong enhances your masculinity, and masculinity denotes Strength and Power. Loving the way you look builds self-confidence, and self-confidence is something you will need when you address issues that are OUTSIDE of yourself. Life is filled with experiences that are unpredictable and beyond anyone’s control.

Develop a Personal Style

In the words of Oshay Duke Jackson, “Don’t be Dusty, Musty, and Crusty”. Everything in life is judged off of appearance, and having a strong sense of style will set you apart from the crowd. Getting attention from the right people can only add to your value. The key to style is to wear clothes that fit. Clothes you buy off the rack RARELY fit properly, so become familiar with your local tailor. Custom made clothing can give you a sharper look and elevate your value above most men. In my personal opinion, you can afford to spend less money on a pair of quality pants and shirts. The brand that I recommend is Dockers. If you have an athletic built, with some extra muscle, Dockers sells pants made of good material with high functionality. Their pants range from 35$ – 50$. Upon purchasing be sure to take a visit to your local tailor. You can make a 35$ pants look as valuable as 200$ pants.

Shoe Wear

Don’t be afraid to spend big bucks on quality shoes. Not only do women acknowledge a man who knows how to wear a nice pair of shoes, so do men. All men should have a pair of dress shoes and boots in their closet, in colors Black and Brown. Black shoes are commonly used in a formal setting. Brown shoes are more versatile. A good pair of shoes should be seen as a long-term investment. I highly recommend a nice pair of Allen Edmonds (Dress Boots), Wolverines (Everyday Boots), or Redwings (Everyday Boots). Shoe care is just as important as the shoe purchase. Each order should be accompanied by an order of Cedar Shoe Trees, and Shoes Care Kit.

Dress The Part

If you want to be treated like a man you have to dress like a man. A man that dresses well commands respect and communicates that he has value. You do not want to be a man in his thirties dressing like a man in his teens. Life is about elevation, working towards being the best version of yourself. There is no better way to do that than with style. If you dress like a champion people will treat you like a champion. If you dress like a bum people will treat you like a bum. Dressing good and feeling good is a way to exsolve your issues with Approach Anxiety.

Find a Hobby

Finding something you are passionate about can lead you to discover your life purpose. If you had to choose between finding the perfect intimate relationship and discovering your life purpose what would choose? Hopefully, you choose discovering your life purpose.  It is important to discover your purpose and to align your life to it. If you fail to do so your core self will feel empty, your presence in the world will be weakened, along with your presence with your intimate partner.

Discovering Your Life Purpose

Acquiring a new skill builds self-confidence. Self-confidence is built through goal setting, perseverance, and concentration. Acquiring skills brings us closer to finding our true purpose in life. Learning something new helps us strip layer after layer directing us to our deepest life purpose. Outer purposes are usually given to us by our parents or society. Perhaps your father was an athlete, so you became an athlete, or in reaction to him, you never competed in sports at all.

If your deepest purpose is to become an amazing husband and father you might find that before you can fully devote yourself to that purpose that you must first work through sexual partners, partying, building a career, blogging, vlogging, drug experimentation, etc. to finally dissolve your fascination and need to experience before you can focus on becoming a husband and father.

Personal Growth

Each experience brings you closer to living your life purpose. Once you have successfully acquired a skill it may time to move on. Successfully completing a micro purpose is preparation for advancing to a deeper purpose. You should see each purpose as a mission meant to be fully lived to the point becomes empty. This is a sign of growth, not a failure. These experiences give us new energy and bring us closer to becoming the best version of ourselves.

The key is to do things that add value to who you are. A few years ago I began playing the guitar and it is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. Here is a cover of a song by the Isley Brothers “Ain’t I Been Good to You”.

Conclusion

You have to “Become The Person You Want To Attract“. Nobody gets a free ride and each of one us are dealing with something. One of the worst things you could ever do is to allow things outside of yourself dictate your self-value. Self-worth is internal and confidence is constructed through building yourself. There are two-levels to Approach Anxiety: Unfamiliarity and Fear. If you have never approached a woman, with romantic intentions, it is normal and natural to have Approach Anxiety. You will never over your fear of rejection. The goal is to be comfortable knowing that there is a 50% chance she will say no there is a 50% chance she can yes.

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About Darron Brown 8 Articles
Darron Brown has Master's in Information Systems from the University of Utah and works as a Software Engineer.