There was once a rapper who said that all men need a minimum of four women in their lives:
- A long-term girlfriend or wife type
- A long-term mistress or ‘side piece’ type
- A short-term ‘booty call only’ type that will be replaced by a new booty call partner every so many days, weeks, or months
- A long-term ‘just friends only’ type who is a combination of an ‘emotionally empathetic listening ear’ as well as a financially generous ‘Sugar Mama’ type who provides financial favors or short-term loans to men in times of need
Here is the potential problem for many men, assuming these four archetypes are fairly valid: What if your long-term girlfriend or wife is some other man’s mistress or side piece? What if your long-term girlfriend or wife is another man’s short-term ‘booty call only’ type? Questions to marinate on, huh?
UNDERSTANDING DR. SIGMUND FREUD’S ‘MADONNA / WHORE COMPLEX’
The legendary psychologist, Dr. Sigmund Freud, asserted in the 19th Century that there is one psychological and sexual issue that will affect just about all men’s behavior toward women, and this is what he referred to as The Madonna / Whore Complex. What exactly does it mean for a man to suffer from The Madonna / Whore Complex?
Dr. Freud said that all (heterosexual) men will typically seek out a minimum of two types of women in their life:
- One woman who is a prudish, strictly-monogamy oriented ‘good girl’ type who shares many of the personality traits and the moral character of their beloved mother (assuming that the man did not have a dysfunctional relationship with his mother or stepmother);
- Another woman who for all practical purposes is the antithesis of his beloved mother or stepmother; More specifically, a woman who is extremely open-minded, free-spirited, erotically uninhibited (i.e., kinky), and to one degree or another, promiscuous and/or polyamorous;
Woman #1 is known as the “Madonna” archetype, or the ‘desired virgin’ archetype. This is a woman that ideally is a woman who is a virgin at the time a man proposes marriage to her, or at bare minimum, a woman who has only engaged in sexual activities with a man who was formerly her husband, her fiancé, or her long-term boyfriend;
Woman #2 is known as the “Whore” archetype. This is a woman that is viewed by men as “unmarriageable,” but ideal for short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex activities.
ENTER THE CONCEPT OF SEXUAL DUPLICITY
I have already written at least one other article regarding the concept of sexual duplicity (click here). This concept is directly related to the Dr. Freud’s Madonna / Whore Complex.
You see, there was a time centuries ago when many women conveniently fell into one of the two aforementioned archetypes (i.e., either the ‘good girl’ archetype or the promiscuous ‘whore’ or ‘slut’ archetype). If women still very neatly fell into those two categories today, then dating choices for men would be fairly easy. The vast majority of men would simply ‘sow their wild oats’ with the women who were kinky and promiscuous and/or polyamorous, and then once they were ready to settle down, get married, and raise a family, they would find a prudish, strictly monogamy-oriented ‘good girl’ type to propose marriage to.
Not so fast.
Among other factors, what is known as the Second Wave of Feminism combined with what is known as The Sexual Revolution (or ‘Free Love Movement’) drastically modified the way women viewed their own sexuality during that period between roughly 1960 and 1974.
Without getting too lengthy or too academic, what essentially happened during that fifteen-year period is that many of the women who were previously of the ‘good girl’ mindset slowly but surely began to embrace the idea of becoming more open-minded, free-spirited, and erotically uninhibited. Conversely, many of the women who were previously of the ‘I-am-only-good-for-non-relationship sex’ types began to raise their self-esteem and declare that they deserved to have men treat them like long-term girlfriend material and/or wife material just like the ‘good girl’ types.
The end result? Sexually duplicitous behavior on behalf of women.
MOST (HETEROSEXUAL) MEN ARE SEXUALLY HYPOCRITICAL
The problem is not necessarily with women, but with men. Yes, I said it. Most men are inherently hypocritical when it comes to passing judgment on women’s sexuality. This is one of the primary reasons why women tend to exhibit sexually duplicitous behavior.
Many men want to engage in short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with another man’s wife, mother, sister, or daughter, but many of these same men very much frown on the idea of their own wife, mother, sister, or daughter enthusiastically engaging in short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with some other man that their wife, long-term girlfriend, or female relative might be genuinely attracted to sexually.
Are you THAT guy?
If you are, you are part of the problem. Why should you be able to pursue multiple women to engage in casual sex with you, but then feel free to turn around and harshly criticize women who pursue multiple men for casual sex enjoyment and orgasmic pleasure? If you as a man are exhibiting this type of behavior, then you are exhibiting the behavior of a blatant sexual hypocrite.
As a man, you will never be at peace until you eliminate all of your hypocritical thoughts and attitudes regarding women’s sexuality. You need to work on the negative effects of the Madonna / Whore Complex that you have going on in your head.
As they say, what is good for the gander (male) … is good for the goose (female). If men do not allow women to freely express their sexuality without guilt or shame, then many women will continue to be sexually duplicitous with the men they deal with. In the end, this means that one man’s wife … may end up becoming another man’s mistress or on-the-side booty call. Isn’t life grand?
More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie will be a featured speaker at the 10th Anniversary Edition of The 21 Convention in Orlando, Florida (USA). For more information, visit https://the21convention.org/arc