“Where are the Good Black Men?” It’s a question I’ve heard a lot in my 53 years of life. According to some things I’ve seen the question has been around longer than I’ve been alive. That question is still being asked especially on social media. Even some entertainment shows try to sneak in the question. Some interesting things happen when the question is asked.
Black men who hear the question will answer, “I’m right here.” Black women who see these men will question these men and in many cases ask the man, “What makes you think you are good?” Even in cases where the woman is at least acquainted with the man they will proceed to list every supposed character flaw the man possesses. Notice I said supposed. You know how it goes:
Him: I have a degree, make six figures, and good credit.
Her: You think money makes you good?
Him: I’m a deacon at my church, volunteer at a soup kitchen, and mentor at risk youth.
Her: Yeah but do you take care of your mother?
Him: I bought her a house and pay her bills.
Her: I bet you eat meat don’t you?
Her: I knew it! I can’t date a man who is so cruel that he eats animals. You’re not a good man at all.
Don’t act like these conversations never happen.
Black women will tear down men like the one in the example by calling him beta, dusty and weak. I’ve seen women work to find something negative about a Good brotha. Meanwhile the brotha in the neighborhood with six kids and six baby mommas will get more passes thrown his way than a star wide receiver in the NFL.
What really gets me is when the same Black women act like they don’t know who is a good Black man. I call bullshit on that. I’ll explain why.
Most human beings and Black people in particular are raised in environments where they are exposed to religious and spiritual concepts. These concepts inform people as to what is considered good and bad. People grow up knowing that which behaviors are considered good and which are bad. A toddler learns this after the first spanking. Though there are other factors involved such as culture, people know who’s good and who’s bad.
Black women know which men are good and which are bad. Many seem to figure it out when they are ready to get married. Also when they don’t want to get married. Many Black women will avoid a man they know to be good when they just want to have fun with Bad Boys. The problem is that many don’t want to publicly state that this is the issue.
So when Black women in public or online forums ask, “Where are the Good Black men?” they already know the answer. Many have these men in their friendzone. These women, however, are not going to publicly say this. Also when others point out these men they have to have a justification as to why they are not going for them.
Most Black women are not going to say that these men simply don’t turn them on. So they have to find something wrong with the men to justify rejecting these men. It also means that they have to accountable for their choices. That’s a big piece in the puzzle.
Many Black women want to act like victims and that they have nothing to do with not being able to get a Good Black man. Pointing out that they are rejecting the Good men they say want means taking responsibility. Many don’t want to do that.
Whatever the case these women know a Good Black man when they see one. The question is do they really want him?
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