For the women who find the term ‘controlling’ to be too esoteric, ‘manipulation’ is as toxic as controlling. In manipulation, several tools are discharged to keep your mind at the level that they want it. These ladies unleash such tool as so much attachment, of tears over little issues, of emotional blackmail of things done for you and sometimes of the countless folks out there who are ready to grab them by the wrist if you would not heed to their demand for attention.
If I am dating you, I can take pictures with any girl, especially in a non-provocative way. And you don’t have to get angry.
But since provocative is subjective and you are the queen of subjective-ness, and a detective, you are free to determine what constitute provocation and if it stifles my freedom and kindness, not to cheat on you but to have simple photos with friends, then you are automatically an ex-girlfriend.
One of the reasons artists stay away from relationship is the demand to be regulated. And one thing that does not sit well with a creator of music or other forms of arts generally is restrictions from a partner, from the authority, from anywhere. Restriction is bad for the mind. It keeps you grounded. The escape to hug the arts is to escape such reality as the human condition, the human space with its many rules and expectations. In music, the many rules are breached and living is without labels – one expresses himself as he feels but for one individual who makes care for herself only. She would say something like: all I need from you is your attention. I don’t anything more. But if you are there and nothing more exists, you would lose a relationship. You would not be called a perfect partner because you were always there. You would be called lazy. But when someone with whom you decided to share your laughter and a bulk part of your existence decides to play regulator in your life when you are not actually doing anything bad and bring you back to the world you have done so much to escape, you cut loose totally and fly with the birds.
Relationship could be cool. When it is hangs on love and understanding. The moment it becomes an institute soaked in coldness, of serial questionings and pettiness, it become another form of potent prison that everyone must escape. Prions have one thing in common, to keep you bound, to reduce you, to disarm you, to strip you of all usefulness in the name of corrections. And nagging and emotional blackmail in relationship does all of these things. And even when you try to stay sane, you cannot for you are tormented by the remembrance of the loss of peace in your relationship.
I once dated a girl who felt I did not behave in a certain way to match her social status. I was going to be adjusted to fit her picture of an ideal undergraduate boyfriend. She did everything to put me in a corner that would have me behave only in such a way that suits her. And when she gave me examples, they were of people who were living their own lives but I was not fit to lead mine. I was born to imitate these other people she recommended. I could not understand why I had to succumb to a certain standard for my love for be reciprocated and appreciated. I mean, if we got together to inspire each other and love and become silly, why don’t you stop there and understand that outside you, I exist too, that I need air and whatever beauty you think you possess can be sourced elsewhere?
Women are majorly jealous in relationships, for whatever reason. Some men are too. But when the women who say they love you come with that Nazi kind of control and total take over of your sanity, it is necessary to cut away despite invested emotions and keep sane for your own good and the good of the lady too. A depressed man is time bomb and if not properly manage, it could hurt more than those in the relationship.
Bura-Bari Nwilo loves photography. When life is less burdensome, he swims. He lives in the city of Port Harcourt, Nigeria.
You can reach him on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/burabari