5 Lessons Learned from Being a Woman’s “Other Man”

In most instances, women will reveal their true desires, their true personality, and their true sexual nature and kinky fantasies to the men who they are cheating WITH much more so than they will to the men who they are cheating ON

I remember when I first began receiving feedback from male readers of my eBook and from male listeners of my audiobook version of my book, The Possibility of Sex: How Naïve and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly.

Sadly, a good percentage of the men who read my eBook and/or listened to my audiobook conveyed to me that this particular book of mine left them feeling ‘dejected,’ ‘depressed,’ ‘jaded,’ and incredibly ‘pessimistic’ regarding the idea of finding a ‘good woman’ to date and possibly marry.

This was the first book of mine where I began to receive praise from men who were self-proclaimed MGTOW types (Men Going Their Own Way) and other hardcore Red Pill types who were active in the manosphere.  Many of these men offered comments to me such as, “See … I knew women weren’t worth marrying.  I knew they were all scandalous, no good bitches.  Alan, your book proves it!!”   Unfortunately, this was not the impression that I wanted my readers and listeners to have of all women in society.

The Possibility of Sex is divided into two parts:

Part One of my book centers on the archetype of women I refer to as ‘Manipulative Timewasters.’  A Manipulative Timewaster is a woman who has no interest in engaging in sex with a man (either within the context of a long-term monogamous romantic relationship or within the context of short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex), but she is very reluctant to verbally communicate her lack of sexual interest to a man too quickly or too straightforwardly because she has a high interest in maintaining that man’s non-physical, non-sexual, purely platonic attention and companionship … and in some cases, she has a strong desire to exploit that man for various ‘financial favors’ such as free meals, free movie tickets, free concert tickets, and any other monetary favor or materialistic gift she can manage to secure from him.

Part Two of my book centers on the women who I simply refer to as ‘No Good Women.’  These women might be fine to engage in a few episodes of short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with, but if a man’s interest is entering into a long-term, emotionally profound, strictly monogamous romantic relationship with these women … I suggest that all men avoid these five categories of women at all costs.

The five types of women that I examine in Part Two of my book are:

  • Highly Materialistic ‘Gold Digger’ types
  • Man Thieves’ (i.e., women who have a strong desire to ‘steal you away’ from your long-term girlfriend, fiancée, or wife)
  • Very Spoiled & Highly Argumentative ‘Drama Queens
  • Man-Hating ‘Misandrists’ who will only date men and/or marry men in order to get pregnant by them, but then these same women will subsequently proceed to psychologically emasculate the men who are the biological fathers of their child(ren)
  • Liars / Cheaters / Adulterers

Chapter 9 of the book focuses on that last category of women (Liars / Cheaters / Adulterers), and I would argue that it was this chapter that left most of the men who read my eBook and who listened to my audiobook feeling ‘dejected.’

In this chapter, I openly and publicly confess that I have been a woman’s “other man” (i.e., her ‘side dude’ or the man she was cheating on her long-term boyfriend, fiancé, or husband with) at least thirty-five times between the ages of 17 and 37 (roughly a span of 20 years).

Some men have harshly criticized me for this confession, arguing that my actions blatantly violated what they deem as ‘the man code’ (i.e., “bros before hos”).  Other men appreciated my frank, forthright confession, and conveyed to me that they appreciated the fact that I was willing to share with them the knowledge, wisdom, and insight that I gained from my multiple experiences being a woman’s “other man” or “side dude.”

For the remainder of this article, I will share with my (male) readers a few of the lessons I learned from engaging in sexual relations with women who had a long-term boyfriend at the time, a fiancé at the time, or a husband at the time.


There are many men who naively believe that women do not place as much emphasis on a man’s physical appearance and sense of seductive charm and overall sex appeal as the average man does with women.


Similar to men, women have a different set of criteria for men who they desire to engage in short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex with than they do for the men who they desire to have as a long-term boyfriend, fiancé, or husband.

When a woman decides to select a man as her “side dude,” that man’s level of career success, his level of financial success, his moral character & integrity, and how faithfully monogamous he can be with a woman becomes totally irrelevant.  When a man is chosen by a woman to be her ‘man-on-the-side,’ all she really cares about is how satisfying he is going to be in bed, how kinky and erotically dominant he is, and how private and discreet he can be.   Also, if the man is very good looking and oozes with seductive charm, confidence, and highly masculine sex appeal, all the better.


For most of the 20th Century, there was this mistaken belief and invalid stereotype that men were far more likely to cheat on their long-term girlfriend, fiancée, or wife than a woman was to cheat on her long-term boyfriend, fiancé, or husband.  The internet and the manosphere has helped destroy this myth in the 21st Century.

Women are much more meticulous, precise, and strategic when they cheat than the average man is.  Men, generally speaking, tend to be very ‘sloppy’ in their attempts to cheat or commit adultery.  The vast majority of men get caught cheating all the time.  Women, on the other hand, are much cleverer and savvy when it comes to cheating.

I’ll give you one example.  Many men, when they have a woman who is a mistress or side piece, will attempt to hide every detail about that woman (e.g., her real name, her face, her location, where she works, etc.) from their girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.  Many women, on the other hand, will cheat on a man “in plain sight.”  Meaning, many women will be bold enough to introduce their boyfriend, fiancé, or husband to the man they are cheating with.  They will introduce him as “My good friend from high school or college,” or “My good friend who works with me,” or “My boss at my job,” or “my girlfriend Tanya’s best friend and neighbor.”

When I was in my twenties and thirties, I had a number of women who did just that with me.  They would boldly introduce me to their long-term boyfriend, fiancé, or husband.  I would many times shake the man’s hand and look him dead in his eyes … knowing that I was banging his woman behind his back.

The woman’s thinking was, “Surely my significant other won’t assume you’re fucking me if I am audacious enough to introduce you to him …”    Women are clever.  This relates to that classic phrase, “If you want to really hide something, hide it in plain sight.”


As a man, you would THINK that if you are a woman’s long-term boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, that you will be that woman’s ace confidante and the man she would trust with all of her inner ‘secrets’ … right?


As a woman’s ‘other man,’ I usually knew more about a woman’s sexual past as well as more about her true sexual nature and kinky quirks than that woman’s boyfriend, fiancé, or husband ever did.

For example, I remember one married woman I used to engage in sex with … she quickly revealed to me that she was bisexual (I once had a ménage à trois with this same woman and one of her female lovers), and she flat-out told me that her husband had no idea that she was bisexual.

Remember what I said above about “hiding things in plain sight?”  This same married woman told me that she had introduced her husband to at least a half dozen of her current and former female lovers, but he never once suspected her of sleeping with other women.

Women are not motivated to lie to their casual sex lovers or ‘men-on-the-side.’  There is simply no need to.  Women are not attempting to exploit these men for money, materialistic gifts, or long-term dependable non-sexual attention and companionship.  They just want good dick whenever they are horny for it.


This lesson incorporates elements from Lesson #5 and Lesson #3.  If anyone has read my eBook or paperback version of The Beta Male Revolution (or listened to the audiobook version), you will recall that one of the most powerful assertions and statements I make in that book is this:

Enjoyable and satisfying sex is rarely if ever a woman’s #1 motivation for getting married or entering into a long-term romantic relationship with a man.

Rare exceptions aside, women do not seek out a man to become their long-term boyfriend, fiancé, or husband primarily or exclusively because of that man’s bedroom skills.  When it comes to marriage and long-term relationships, women are more interested in these three things:

1.    Is this man going to help me raise my son(s) and/or daughter(s) indefinitely?
2.    Is this man going to provide me with flattering, entertaining, and highly dependable non-sexual attention & companionship indefinitely?
3.    Is this man going to be financially generous with me and grant me access to his financial resources and material possessions indefinitely?

These are the three main factors that motivate a woman to choose a man as her long-term boyfriend, fiancé, or husband.  Conversely, 99% of the reason why women select one or more men to be her ‘man-on-the-side’ is for kinky, enjoyable, and satisfying sex only.


I know a lot of men – and even some of my fellow book authors, podcasters, and dating coaches – who tend to perpetuate this invalid belief that a woman will not engage in sexual relations with a man unless she has first developed some sort of ‘emotional attachment’ to or ’emotional bond’ with that man.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

A woman could be deeply in love with her boyfriend, fiancé, or husband … and still choose to cheat on him.  Same principle applies to many men.  I know many men who genuinely love their girlfriend, their fiancée, or their wife, but they still cheat on them with other women either regularly, semi-regularly, or occasionally.

A man or woman’s emotions are not directly connected to their lustful sexual desires.

Women generally tend to develop an emotional attachment to a man who treats them ‘special.’  A man who is very ‘romantic’ with them.  A man who spends quality time with them both sexually AND non-sexually.

This is why whenever I have a woman who I view as nothing more than a casual sex lover (i.e., a ‘fuck buddy’), I will always avoid doing anything with that woman that she will perceive as ‘romantic,’ and I will always avoid spending too much time with that woman in a non-sexual manner.  Also, I try to never ‘cuddle’ with a woman after an episode of sexual intercourse has occurred.  Anytime a man spends a significant amount of time with a woman both sexually and non-sexually, and he exhibits a high degree of ‘romantic’ behavior toward her, it is almost inevitable that the woman is going to ‘catch feelings.’

During that 20-year span when I operated as many women’s “other man,” I rarely had a woman ‘catch feelings’ for me.  Two or three times?  Maybe.  Not much more than that though.  Most of the women I had sex with who were married, engaged to be married, or had a long-term boyfriend simply viewed me as an enjoyable and satisfying ‘piece of dick’ who they wanted access to whenever they were really horny for an episode of hot & kinky sex.

You have to understand:  there is a difference between a woman’s desire for ‘romantic sex’ and a woman’s desire for ‘hot & kinky sex.’  The former she usually wants from her boyfriend, fiancé, or husband.  The latter she usually wants from a casual sex lover or her ‘man-on-the-side.’


Let me make one thing clear:  Not ALL women are liars, cheaters, and adulterers.  There are definitely some ‘good’ women in society who would make any man a quality girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.

That is the ‘good’ news.

The ‘bad’ news is that there are a lot of other women in society who are scandalous, sneaky, and untrustworthy (but the reality is, the same assessment could be made of men as a gender too).

If your spouse or significant other is enthusiastic about engaging in sex with you every day, 2-3 times per day, then 99.9% chance, you have nothing to worry about.  This represents that your woman is really into you, and it is highly doubtful that she will ever step out on you behind your back.

On the other hand, if your spouse or significant other constantly uses the excuse “I’m too tired to have sex tonight …” or “I have a headache honey … maybe next week?” then you very well might have a cheater or adulterer on your hands.  If you consistently have to ‘beg’ your spouse or significant other for sex, then nine times out of ten, something is wrong.

In that latter scenario, it is a fairly valid assumption that some other guy is making your girl cum, and he is making her cum hard.

Senior writer Alan Roger Currie was recently named the 2017 Charles Tyler Freelance Writer & Columnist of the Year for the NegroManosphere.com, and he was also named the NegroManosphere.com’s 2017 Best Dating Coach for Men on YouTube and 2017 Black Male YouTube Personality of the Year. More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie has been a featured speaker at many dating advice workshops for men in the United States as well as internationally. Currie was the first African-American to be a featured speaker at The 21 Convention and will be a featured speaker again this year in October in Orlando, Florida. If you want to become a Patreon.com subscriber of Dating Coach Alan Roger Currie, CLICK HERE

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About Alan Roger Currie 91 Articles
Alan Roger Currie is the author of a number of eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks, and is best known for the ground-breaking best-seller "Mode One: Let the Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking"; Currie is also a professional Men's Dating Coach who has worked with clients all over the world, and has conducted speaking engagements and workshops in many cities both in the U.S. and internationally. Contact him at coaching@modeone.net