It is normal for people to expect you to help them. There is actually nothing wrong about it. We all need help sometimes. We all have expectations. It is the right of everyone to have expectations. However, as normal as it is for people to expect you to help them, it is also normal for you not to help them when you are unable. They say Nigerians have an entitlement mentality. They are right but I don’t think the problem is peculiar to Nigerians only. We all have entitlement mentality. Everyone in the world. Just that this mentality seems to be higher in Nigerians.
There are times we feel people should help us because we think they can help us. And we may be wrong. The person you think should help you may actually need some help too. If you think you have the right to be helped by someone, you need to remind yourself that the person also has the right not to help you if they are not capable. There is a problem with all of us. We assume so quickly. We are so fast in assumptions. We fail to realize that assumptions are not always correct. They are mere assumptions. They are not realities.
We rush into conclusion about other people. We don’t care to know the reasons for their actions. You have the right to ask people for help. They have the right to object, too. It is not a must for anyone so say YES to your request. People have the right to say NO. We all have the right to what is convenient for us. When you ask people for help and they don’t help you, deal with it. Don’t get mad. You don’t know their situation. Things may not be as easy for them as you assume. You are not wrong in asking for help. They are not also wrong in turning you down.
I’m not saying we should turn people down when they need our help. No. I’m only saying we should help people when we can help them. We shouldn’t help people at the expense of ourselves. And that we should learn to understand when people can’t help us. You don’t have to send yourself into the grave because you want to help someone. You shouldn’t also allow anyone to blackmail you emotionally into helping them. It is not good for you. It is unhealthy. Nigerians know how to make use of emotional blackmail to force people into helping them.
They will say, ‘I know what I did for him in the past. I know what I did for him before he got to where he is today’. They will label you an ingrate when you can’t solve their problems. They don’t care that you have your own battles to fight too. Don’t let anyone force you into helping them. Don’t let them coerce you or make you feel guilty for not helping them. Only help people when you can. There are times you don’t even have to wait until people ask for your help before you help them. If you sense that someone needs help and you have the ability to help them, do it willingly. That makes you a human.
You don’t necessarily have to wait for people to come to you before you choose to help them or do things for them. We should learn to help people without them asking. That is how to make the world a better place. There is a lot to being human. It goes beyond having two hands, two legs, two eyes, and a head with a brain. It is about rising for the need of humanity. It is about working to make the world a better place for everyone to live. It is about coming to the rescue of a fellow human. It is about sensing a problem and providing a solution. It is about being our brother’s keeper. The world is not always about us. It is also about others. It is about all of us.
Now, back to my initial discussion on helping people. The truth is, people don’t care about you. The majority of us are only interested in ourselves. Humans are naturally self-centered. Nobody truly cares. We only care about ourselves and what we want. Why do you think a rich man has multitudes of friends and a poor man has little or no friends at all? It is because people are only interested in you when you have something to offer. People don’t hate the poor man. They hate his poverty. People don’t love the rich man also. They love his money. They are only interested in his money, not him.
They know that there is the probability of getting something from the rich man. And that is why they will keep flooding around him. It only shows that human beings pursue only things that will favour them. That is the plain truth. So, please, help as many people as you want to help in the world but don’t hurt yourself in the process of helping them because you think they love you. They don’t. People will forget you as soon as you are gone. It is not their fault. They are just being human. You can decide to kill yourself for someone and they will throw a party on your grave when you are no more. It is your loss.
Let me be real with you: stop doing things for people because you want to satisfy them. Think about yourself too. Think about yourself and then think about others. You should come first. Then others. Do things that are convenient for you. Help people because you can, not because you must. Or because you have to. Or because you want them to see you as a good person. You’ll regret it because people don’t really care. You’ll be disappointed. Humans are assholes. They won’t always appreciate your effort. It is better you know this so that you don’t get too surprised when they give you a shocker.
You can lie down for people to walk on you and they will still complain that you are not flat enough. Maybe they expect you to sink into the ground. Honestly, no one cares whether you die. If you decide to kill yourself because of people, those people will continue to live after you. The world does not end when you die. Life goes on. It doesn’t end with you. It is a self-centered world, sorry. Before you make sacrifices for people, think very well about what you are doing, whether it is convenient for you. When people come to you with their problems, solve the ones you can solve for them.
Don’t try to solve all their problems if you are not capable. You are not Jesus Christ. And if you know you can’t solve their problems, let them take it somewhere else. You don’t have to die for them because you are not the Saviour of the world. You don’t have to sacrifice your life to make someone comfortable. It is not worth it. You can do that for your children or parents if you choose. But others? There are other people in the world who can help them. If you die because you want to solve someone’s problems, they will move on when you are gone. They will take their problems to someone else who will solve it for them without blinking an eye.