Do Black men who are both single and heterosexual face challenges in today’s dating scene? Why, sure they do. In the bigger picture, I would argue that a good percentage of ALL single heterosexual men face a variety of challenges in today’s 21st Century dating scene. This truth heavily contributed to why I wrote my book, The Beta Male Revolution: Why Many Men Have Totally Lost Interest in Marriage in Today’s Society.
Plain and simple, there is a huge difference in the dating rituals between heterosexual men and women, and the appeal of long-term monogamy and marriage in society, in the last one-hundred years between 1917 and 2017. Most of the factors that drastically modified male-female relationship dynamics happened between roughly 1960 and 1974 (read Chapter Two in The Beta Male Revolution).
ENTER CONTROVERSIAL & OUTSPOKEN PODCASTER MUMIA OBSIDIAN ALI
Now on a related note … if you have been following my regular video podcasts featured on my YouTube channel, you will have noticed that I have been engaged in a back-and-forth ‘beef’ with another podcaster on YouTube who goes by the name Mumia Obsidian Ali.
At one point in late summer of 2015, Ali came out with a podcast accusing me of offering dating advice that could in no way resonate with the type of man who he refers to as ‘the everyday brother.’ He describes the everyday brother as a Black man who is not in possession of an undergraduate college degree, a Black man who is not, in his words, ‘conspicuously handsome,’ and a Black man who usually holds some sort of blue-collar type 9-to-5 job.
I fired back and challenged that assertion, and to my pleasant surprise, Ali offered me a public apology in September 2015 (click here).
Then, for the next few months up until earlier this year, Ali took it upon himself to perform in the role as an ‘informal promotional agent’ for me, constantly endorsing, promoting, and recommending at least three of my books (The Possibility of Sex, The Beta Male Revolution, and to a far lesser extent, Mode One).
Our ‘internet friendship’ with one another was fine up until the first week of June of this year. After Ali posted the comment in my YouTube comments section that “Elliot Rodger is entitled to his preferences (in women),” I decided to separate myself from Brother Ali. I wrote him an Email message letting him know that I frowned on the comment he made referencing Rodger, and then I asked him respectfully to no longer mention my name, or the titles of my books, on his future podcasts on YouTube. At the time, Ali agreed to this request, and even said, “You have my word on it.”
Sadly, less than 24 hours later, Ali was back to mentioning my name as well as the title of one or more of my books in his subsequent podcasts.
Why is Ali so obsessed with Yours Truly?
Simple. Ali has now gone back full circle to his original criticism of me (and also other Black male dating coaches). Ali, for the second time in two years, is back to asserting that my books, my articles, and my general dating advice for men do not resonate with the men who he refers to as “the everyday brother.” Ali contends once again that the only men who are capable of benefiting from my general knowledge, wisdom, insight, and expert advice related to today’s dating scene and the current state of relationships are Black men who are college-educated, reasonably handsome, and were raised in a middle-class or upper-middle-class family environment. Other than those types, Ali feels that my knowledge, wisdom, and advice lacks empathy and true understanding of the challenges and plight of all of the Black men in society who identify with “the everyday brother” archetype.
Are Mumia Obsidian Ali’s criticisms of me valid? Partially valid? Or totally invalid? Let us examine.
THE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS OF EDDIE MURPHY IN BLACK ROMANTIC COMEDIES
What I have decided to do for the remainder of the article is use a variety of fictional characters played the exact same actor: Legendary feature-film comedic actor, Eddie Murphy. Initially, I was going to use fictional characters played by different actors, but I did not want my readers to respond with, “Well, that actor is obviously more handsome and/or more popular with female moviegoers than the other actor” or some similar complaint.
So, let us examine a few of Murphy’s characters that I feel – to one degree or another – represent many of the Black male archetypes that you will find in today’s dating scene:
BUDDY LOVE: THE INCORRIGIBLE WOMANIZER
If you viewed the 1996 romantic comedy, The Nutty Professor, you will recall that the character of Dr. Sherman Klump developed a slimmer, leaner, more brash-talking alter-ego once he lost a significant amount of weight. Klump’s alter-ego went by the name Buddy Love.
Unlike Klump, who was head over heels with Professor Carla Purty (Actress Jada Pinkett-Smith), Buddy was more interested in playing the field and taking advantage of the appeal of his newly developed athletically-proportioned physique.
What specific challenges did Buddy Love face with women, and in particular Black women, in the modern-day dating scene?
In simple terms, Love’s “challenge” … if you want to call it that … was to attempt to maximize his opportunities for short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex within the shortest period of time available to him. Buddy did not care if the women were Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, or Black … he just wanted to seduce and have (casual) sex with them all.
If anything, Buddy’s one major flaw and character weakness was his failure to be upfront, specific, and straightforwardly honest with Carla Purty regarding his desire to engage in sex with multiple female sex partners. Like many ‘lying womanizer’ types, Buddy would give Carla the misleading impression that all he wanted was her exclusive romantic companionship, but in reality, he wanted to sow his wild oats with as many women who were willing to oblige him.
Does Obsidian’s podcasting commentary speak to and resonate with the “Buddy Love” types of society?
Rarely, if ever … unless he is directly borrowing talking points from my book, Mode One.
Does the advice offered in one or more of Alan Roger Currie’s books speak to and resonate with the “Buddy Love” types of society?
Yes indeed. My first book, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking (and now there is an updated eBook to accompany the audiobook version) encourages men who may be “Buddy Love” types to verbally communicate to all of their female sex partners in an upfront and straightforwardly honest manner that their true interest centers on short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex rather than a desire to enter into a long-term, emotionally profound, strictly monogamous romantic relationship with women.
MARCUS GRAHAM: THE SMOOTH-TALKING PLAYER WHO IS LOOKING FOR LOVE
If you recall the 1992 romantic comedy, Boomerang, you will recall that the character of the well-to-do, highly successful, confident and smooth-talking Marcus Graham who had a reputation among his close male friends for always getting attractive women to engage in a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, or a few months of casual sex fun with him.
What specific challenges did Marcus Graham face with women, and in particular Black women, in the modern-day dating scene?
Graham’s problem was that despite being a successful womanizer … deep-down, Graham was looking for ‘that one’ long-term romantic companion whom he could settle down with, and possibly marry.
Graham thought he found such a woman when he met a sistah named Jacqueline Broyer (Actress Robin Givens), who ends up being his boss at his advertising agency, but to his disappointment, Broyer lets it be known that she is just as much a female ‘player’ as Graham is a male player. Broyer ends up treating Graham as just someone to have casual sex fun with, and Graham cannot handle it.
Does Obsidian’s podcasting commentary speak to and resonate with the “Marcus Graham” types of society?
Rarely, if ever. Obsidian’s commentary rarely focuses on the challenges, disappointments, and frustrations of men who are certified ladies’ men and prolific womanizers … especially if he considers them good-looking and they are college-educated. Obsidian refers to these type of Black men as “the respectable brothers.” Obsidian asserts that ‘respectable brothers’ are afraid to openly and publicly offer harsh criticisms of Black women’s foul and undesirable behavior.
Does the advice offered in one or more of Alan Roger Currie’s books speak to and resonate with the “Marcus Graham” types of society?
Yes … at least to a degree. For example, in both Mode One and The Beta Male Revolution, I spend a portion of the book defining and describing a specific archetype of men who I refer to as Alpha males with a few Beta traits & tendencies. This is the category of men that Murphy’s fictional character of Marcus Graham would most validly fall into. These are men who have the looks, personality, and seductive charm to be players and womanizers indefinitely … but emotionally, they would prefer a wife or long-term romantic companion to hopefully raise a family with.
PRINCE AKEEM JOFFER: THE WEALTHY MAN SEEKING TO AVOID SHALLOW, SUPERFICIAL ‘GOLD DIGGER’ TYPES
Coming to America … the 1988 romantic comedy starring Eddie Murphy as the ultra-wealthy African Prince, Akeem Joffer … is still considered by Entertainment Industry box-office experts as the most financially successful romantic comedy ever produced with a predominately African-American cast.
Murphy portrays multiple characters in the movie, and the supporting cast members in the movie were excellent. Many men and women in my generation still rank this movie as their favorite all-Black romantic comedy ever.
What specific challenges did Prince Akeem Joffer face with women, and in particular Black women, in the modern-day dating scene?
The movie centered on Akeem’s strong desire to find a wife who he felt would love him for who he really is as a man … rather than a woman who would only love him because of his social status and enormous wealth.
So what Prince Akeem decides to do is to travel to the United States (the Queens borough of New York City specifically) and purposely live the life of a ‘poor man’ in the hopes that he will find at least one desirable woman who will fall in love with him because of his personality, moral character, and overall integrity alone. His best friend, Semmi (Actor / Comedian Arsenio Hall) tags along.
Does Obsidian’s podcasting commentary speak to and resonate with the “Prince Akeem Joffer” types of society?
Quite the contrary. Actually, Obsidian (similar to one of his talk radio idols, Tom Leykis) believes that a man should use his level of career success, his level of monetary wealth, his level of social status, fame, and/or influence, and the appeal of his expensive material possessions as a direct means of enhancing a woman’s romantic and/or sexual interest in him. Obsidian has been known to assert that the only way that a single heterosexual man would be capable of attracting a woman who is an ‘8,’ ‘9,’ or ‘10’ on the mythical “1-10” scale of physical beauty and feminine sex appeal is if he is highly successful in his career and is in possession of a six-figure or seven-figure income.
Does the advice offered in one or more of Alan Roger Currie’s books speak to and resonate with the “Prince Akeem Joffer” types of society?
Yes. Very much so. I address “men with means” in at least two of my books: Mode One (the chapter about Mode Three Behavior, where I discuss men who I refer to as ‘Mode Three Targets’ who always attempt to impress women and attract women with their level of career success, their level of financial success, and the appeal of the material possessions they own) and The Possibility of Sex (with particular emphasis on Chapter Four, Chapter Five, and Chapter Nine).
Unlike Obsidian and Leykis, I do not ever encourage men to attract women by boasting to women about their level of career success, their level of education and academic achievements, their level of wealth, or how many expensive material items that they may have accumulated. I believe a man should attract women with a combination of his looks, his sex appeal and seductive charm, his level of confidence and charisma, his intelligence, and most importantly, his verbal communication skills and social skills in general.
SHERMAN KLUMP: THE (OVERWEIGHT) EDUCATED LAME
Referencing once again the 1996 romantic comedy, The Nutty Professor, Murphy plays an obese college professor, Dr. Sherman Klump, who quickly develops a romantic crush on his very attractive colleague, Ms. Carla Purty (Actress Jada Pinkett-Smith).
What specific challenges did Sherman Klump face with women, and in particular Black women, in the modern-day dating scene?
Klump’s problem was that he was very self-conscious and egotistically insecure regarding his obese physique, and to a lesser extent, his semi-nerdy oriented social skills with women. Realistically, no woman with the looks of Ms. Purty would find themselves physically attracted to a man with the grossly overweight physical appearance of Dr. Klump. The thing with Hollywood, is that they love to give male and female moviegoers hope and belief that they too can find a romantic soulmate that is way ‘out of their league.’
Klump realizes that he is way too fat to turn Mr. Purty on sexually, so he attempts to create his own weight-loss concoction in his college laboratory, but his new weight-loss drink ends up having some unexpected “side effects” that provide for much of the best humor in the movie.
Does Obsidian’s podcasting commentary speak to and resonate with the “Sherman Klump” types of society?
To a certain degree, yes. Even though Obsidian himself is not in possession of an undergraduate or graduate college degree, he very often defends and empathizes with the romantic challenges of Black men who are often referred to and categorized by Black women as being “Educated Lame” types. Obsidian strongly believes that a high percentage of very intelligent and highly educated single Black men are abruptly rejected or unfairly overlooked and ignored simply because they do not have the looks, seductive charm, and/or overall sex appeal of less intelligent and less educated Black men with more sexually appealing social skills and more physically attractive physiques.
Does the advice offered in one or more of Alan Roger Currie’s books speak to and resonate with the “Sherman Klump” types of society?
To a small degree, yes. In two of my books, Mode One and The Beta Male Revolution, I address an archetype of men who I refer to as Beta males with a few Alpha traits & tendencies. Black men who are “educated lames” with a successful career and an above-average degree of financial stability and income would generally fall into this category.
The only criticism I have of many men in this category is the same criticism I have of the fictional character of Sherman Klump: In real life, a woman as attractive as Carla Purty would not – in most cases – find themselves physically attracted to a man of Klump’s grossly overweight physical appearance. His verbal communication skills and overall social skills could be improved over time, so that would not be too much of a problem for a Black man similar to Klump. I’ve known many men who were considered ‘nerds’ or ‘semi-nerds’ who were able to attract beautiful, sexy romantic companions as long-term girlfriends or wives once they developed and improved their level of confidence, their demeanor and overall disposition, and of course, their verbal communication skills with women. ‘Educated Lame’ types generally experience more problems when it comes to attracting women for short-term and/or non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex much more than they do in relation to attracting a long-term romantic companion or future spouse. Especially, if they have a high five-figure or six-figure income and keep their physique in relatively good shape.
For any man who is 75 or more pounds overweight to believe that he can attract a woman who is beautiful, sexy, and is constantly receiving flattering attention from men with slimmer and more athletic physiques than himself is not only unrealistic, bit it is borderline delusional.
NORBIT: THE ROMANTICALLY and SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED BETA MALE
If there are at least two comedies where Eddie Murphy played characters who many would view as having major challenges in finding true love and romance, or even casual sex success, it would the character of Norbit in the 2007 comedy of the same name, and the character of Kit Ramsey in the 1999 comedy Bowfinger.
Norbit is essentially forced into a relationship with a fat, full-of-angry-attitude Black woman named Rasputia (also played brilliantly by Murphy), and the two eventually get married.
Bowfinger does not really concentrate on Ramsey’s love life and sex life, but Murphy’s character does share a few scenes with Actress Heather Graham that display Kit Ramsey’s awkwardness with attractive women.
What specific challenges did Norbit face with women, and in particular Black women, in the modern-day dating scene?
Norbit is the type of man who I refer to in my books and articles as a Total Beta male. He has no real manly backbone, his physical appearance is usually average to less-than-average or corny looking, and he allows outspoken women with strong personalities to run all over him and even control, influence, and dominate his behavior (Kit Ramsey in Bowfinger also has a super nerdy physical appearance, and is very awkward around women).
While married to Rasputia, Norbit finds himself attracted to the lovely Kate Thomas (Actress Thandie Newton), and he is hopeful that something romantic can develop from their on-going platonic friendship. Similar to the character of Sherman Klump, Norbit is essentially aiming for a woman that most outsiders would consider “out of his league.”
Does Obsidian’s podcasting commentary speak to and resonate with the “Norbit” and “Kit Ramsey” types of society?
Very much so. The vast majority of Obsidian’s podcasting commentary resonates with this Black male demographic more than arguably any of the aforementioned archetypes portrayed by Eddie Murphy in his various films. This is the group that Obsidian most strongly feels that Yours Truly intentionally or unintentionally “ignores” the most, and instead chooses to focus more on the Buddy Love types, the Marcus Graham types, and the Prince Akeem Joffer types.
Does the advice offered in one or more of Alan Roger Currie’s books speak to and resonate with the “Norbit” and “Kit Ramsey” types of society?
Yes … but very differently than Obsidian.
You see, Obsidian tends to place 99% of the emphasis of his podcasting commentary on what is wrong with (single) Black women. On his various YouTube podcasts, Obsidian is well-known for harshly criticizing and even blatantly insulting the Black women who he feels are significantly overweight, the Black women who he feels possess more masculine traits than feminine traits, the Black women who he feels are extremely hard to get along with (i.e., Black women who can generally be categorized as ‘disrespectful bitches’), the Black women who have multiple children out-of-wedlock, and the (older) Black women who he feels have unrealistically high (and even delusional) standards for their choice in male romantic companions.
I, on the other hand, do not really focus too much on what is ‘wrong’ with Black women. Every now and then, maybe. For me, given my objectives as a professional dating coach for single heterosexual men, I tend to more so focus on what a Sherman Klump, a Norbit, or a Kit Ramsey need to do to improve themselves. I really do not want my male clients concerning themselves with what women need to do to make themselves more appealing as romantic or strictly sexual companions. Primarily, because women’s behavior is out of the direct control of my male clients.
Do these types of men need to lose weight? If so, I emphasize this objective with my male clients.
Do these types of men need to dress better and take better care of their grooming and personal hygiene? If so, I emphasize this objective with my male clients.
Do these types need to significantly improve their overall social skills with women, and more specifically, their verbal communication skills with women? Just about all of my male clients need some degree of help in this area, and this is the area of assistance that I am most known for helping single heterosexual men worldwide.
Do these types of men need to stop pursuing women who are essentially “out of their league?” Personally, I do not really rate or rank women by “leagues.” That said though, I do believe that a man has to be very realistic about what he has to offer a woman in the way of looks, sex appeal, intelligence, and the ability to help a woman raise children in a healthy environment. As Obsidian himself likes to proclaim, “water seeks its own level” (i.e., most men and women will seek out a romantic companion that seems to have just as much to offer as themselves in the way of looks, sex appeal, personality and behavior, education, social status, wealth, and/or moral character and integrity).
For example, as mentioned already, in the real world … no Black man who is as grossly obese as Sherman Klump is going to be able to attract the romantic or sexual attention of a woman who looks like Carla Purty, with the possible exception of if that obese Black man is filthy rich and offering to be a woman’s financially generous ‘Sugar Daddy.’
Obsidian likes to say, “Men place three times as much emphasis on women’s looks as women place on men’s looks.” Even if this is true, this still does not negate the fact that women still place some degree of emphasis on men’s looks (particularly from the neck-to-the-feet). I know for a fact that when it comes to women’s choices in men for short-term non-monogamous ‘casual’ sex, a man’s looks and sex appeal is extremely important to the vast majority of women. I have never once had a woman I conversed with about this subject suggest otherwise.
For more long-term relationships and marriage, then yes … I would halfway agree with Obsidian’s assertion. Looks and sex appeal are not usually the primary factor for a woman’s attraction to a man who they desire to be their long-term boyfriend or husband. When a woman is looking for a long-term romantic companion, her main emphasis is going to be on how great of a financial provider a man will be for her and her children, and how enthusiastic that man is toward the idea of spending time with her without sex being involved.
So, returning to the original question … are Black single heterosexual men facing a multitude of challenges in their pursuit of romantic and sexual companionship in today’s dating scene?
I would say both Obsidian and I would wholeheartedly agree that the answer to this question is a resounding, “Yes.”
The next important question would be, “Is it better for a Black man to spend the vast majority of his time whining and complaining about the flaws and weaknesses of Black women’s behavior … or … should a man better invest his time indulging in a combination of thorough self-examination and subsequent activities that center on self-improvement and personal development?”
Obsidian’s commentary regularly tends to suggest the former. My books, articles, podcasting commentary, and coaching and consultations sessions almost always suggest the latter.
For example, Obsidian’s commentary regularly focuses on what is wrong with the Black female “Rasputia” types of society, and to a lesser extent, he even emphasizes what is wrong with the “Carla Purty” types (i.e., women who reject or ignore ‘Educated Lame’ types) and “Kate Thomas” types (i.e., women who usually only seek purely platonic friendships with Total Beta male types rather than relationships of a romantic or strictly sexual nature) of society. Conversely, I tend to place a lot more emphasis on what the Sherman Klump types, the Norbit types, and the Kit Ramsey types need to do differently and/or need to do better in order to become more of an Alpha male type like a Buddy Love or a Marcus Graham. I also advise men who are wealthy similar to the Akeem Joffer types of society to move away from the temptation to become a woman’s Sugar Daddy, Simp, Trick, or male platonic friend that women will end up exploiting and using for regular or semi-regular self-serving financial favors.
One final question: Can the Black men who used to listen to the podcasting commentary offered by both of us now see how and why he and I are two different Black men with two different agendas, and why I chose to separate myself from Obsidian and requested that he no longer mention my name nor promote my books?
To ask the question … is to answer it.
Note: Columnist Alan Roger Currie will not have a published article posted on the following dates due to his travel schedule and/or vacation plans:
- Monday, October 2, 2017
- Monday, October 9, 2017
- Monday, October 16, 2017
- Monday, October 23, 2017
- Monday, November 27, 2017
- Monday, December 25, 2017
- Monday, January 1, 2018
More about Alan Roger Currie can be found on Wikipedia.org; Visit Currie’s main website to find out more about his Email consultations, Skype & Telephone consultations, and One-on-One / Face-to-Face Coaching sessions. Currie also has an active YouTube channel where he offers his own unique brand of knowledge, wisdom, insight, and general advice related to dating and relationships. If you are a single heterosexual man, and you want advice on how to develop the confidence and courage to be more upfront, specific and straightforwardly honest about your sexual desires, interests, and intentions with women, check out Currie’s eBooks, paperbacks, and audiobooks. Currie will be a featured speaker at the 10th Anniversary Edition of The 21 Convention in Orlando, Florida (USA). For more information, visit https://the21convention.org/arc